The Silence

Well, where does this one letter start...?

I've been doing a lot of new things, trying out new things, opening myself to new things...can't say I've been busy, but I can't honestly say I've had a mind to string up more than a couple of sentences in the last few months. I did not wish you a Happy New Year, or a Happy Christmas. If you've felt abandoned, that's my fault, and my fault only. I've been out and about, I've had a few dates (very good dates, might I add). I've just been thinking, doing, but not writing, which is probably the flaw in all of this selfish Me-time. I just have not felt like I could write, not with the academia bombarding me--it likes to do that. I have not written anything, I'm re-stating this, but that does not mean I have not thought about anything. It is all just marinating in my head, like good wine, it needs to age a bit before it really tastes like it belongs in a palate.

I have thought about ideas of how to work with this blog, I have been reading dictionaries (like always, in my free time...get me the Oxford!) But, I have not talked to any agents, I am giving that some more time...not sure how long, I just don't think it's my time. Recently, I played a writing game, I did not invent it...I don't know if anyone else plays it, I'm sure some smart folks have. It starts with me...building sentence, the start of a story, then someone else has to write the second sentence, then a third person...but here's the thing, it all has to be pertinent to the story, so in a way, it's like a whole bunch of us are writing as one. What makes the game fun is the distinct difference in writing styles: different syntax, vocabulary, and tone.

I've had a bad weekend despite the good things; not terrible, but enough to bother me. Enough to disrupt my flow of ideas, but we all have those days -- it gets better (that's what I tell myself, even when that little voice says oh no, it never does...that little voice does nothing for me, and neither does it do anything productive for you so don't ever listen to it.) I'll be spending most of this week trying to fix what this weekend ruined, trying to mend whatever bridges I've broken, trying to write all those things that were left unwritten, and say those things I was just too scared to say. Don't ever be silent. Don't give someone else silence, because silence is painful. If you are quiet, no one will hear you -- you will be ignored, you will be hurt. If you give silence, you are hurting someone else. That is just something to think about.

J.F.